i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
