Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
