do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need a burrito and a hug.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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