Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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