i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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