ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am available for nakedness
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
