Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
