The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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