forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
