I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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