I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
