So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
