You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
