omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
