just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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