I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
