I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
