When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
