i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How does one acquire holy water?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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