and she was petting her beer can
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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