I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
