had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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