She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
