The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have fence marks all over my body
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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