Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
