There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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