So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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