I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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