What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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