Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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