My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
