i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
