I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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