Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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