does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
