Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
