I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
