well I can't set my house on fire every night
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
