He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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