i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
