mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
