shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
