dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
