Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
