i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
wow bdsm is so cute
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