Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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