I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
