My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
