Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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