I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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