No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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