I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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